I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My life is pants optional.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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