dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
