I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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