I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
