I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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