This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
operation have a gay friend backfired
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
