I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
