Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
