His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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