and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
