he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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