she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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