nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
