Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
