if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
