and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
