im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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