no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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