Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
