The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
