you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
