coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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