so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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