I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
