i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
