let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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