hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
