they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
