The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
