i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
