At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's blow job season.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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