remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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