even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
