Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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