Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
