This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
