my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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