She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
