I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
