I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
