it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
