if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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