So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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