What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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