I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bring money and cleavage
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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