Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
