glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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