she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
