hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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