I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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