i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
