You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hippo gnu deer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
