U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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