i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
