all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
