how can u be prego again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
