Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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