So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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