life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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