I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
