I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
