I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
