Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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