1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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