I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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