Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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